Serious Seniority

A piece of humble pie?

So yesterday I finally tackled an issue that had been nagging me for a long time.  And of course, before I even addressed said issue with the client, I had already figured out the solution, how the convo would play out, etc.  See, I'm a genius.

Sigh.  So much to learn young grasshopper.

Anyway, a client of mine basically moved an entire 3-bedroom house into a small 1-bedroom apartment...2 years ago.  You see where this is going, yes?  When I say that she has "tons of stuff", it is an understatement.  In order to move around her apartment, she is constantly moving boxes (and those giant Tupperware type containers)...no really, she actually showed me how she gets around her place by shifting stuff around.  I digress.  Bottom line, I've known about the state of her apartment for a while but I let it slide...until I couldn't anymore because the EMT's couldn't get a gurney inside the front entry.  Those pesky details.

So we scheduled a time to talk about what she could do.  And as much as I thought that I was ready for her, oh boy was she ready for me.  She said, "let me walk you through it"...and did she ever.  She had answers for everything, and you know what?  They were good, dammit!  The reason she STOCKPILES canned food/dried goods/rice/pasta was that once when she had a stroke, she couldn't get to the store during recovery and she was scared it would happen again.  Ok...I can see that fear.  The reason she has enough clothes to outfit an entire homeless shelter is that she is incontinent and therefore needs "spares", and apparently lots of them.  Alright...incontinence is no joke, I concede.  I could go on, but its pointless - she pretty much had me beat.

Now don't you go thinking that I let her off without some changes.  Noooo - that wouldn't be right either.  But I have to say, they were relatively minor fixes.  My favorite is that she will start to eat down her reserves - or will allow me to have a canned-goods drive right from her apartment.  I think she could last several months in her pseudo bomb-shelter.  Which I suppose was her plan.  Anyway, she's going to make paths through the place so that she and her walker can actually move around unobstructed, and I suppose that is good enough for the time being.  Baby steps, right?

Main point: never assume you know the whole story, let alone that you have all the answers.  Then again, never assume you can't argue a perfectly reasonable point and win.  Its all relative, isn't it? 

Gratitude

This should have been the Thanksgiving post, but I guess I wasn't feeling particularly "gratitude-y" about aging that day. 

As hard as the seniors and I are on each other, we are truly grateful for one another.  I help them with their Social Security problems, and they make me laugh - something to be extremely grateful for in a work environment.  I help them "age-in-place" and they teach me not to fear aging in any place.  I give them hugs and they give me hugs.  Its quite lovely that way.

Recently I learned some crappy not-so-great health news about a family member and you know who has been asking me how that person is doing?  The seniors - almost every last one of them.  Yes, other people in my life have been supportive as well, but there has been an outpouring of love that was somewhat unexpected.  The seniors have their own issues, and this could have just been another thing to add to their list of complaints about the world, but instead, they chose to share love.

As it turns out, this should surprise no one.  Many have loving grandparents (I know I do) or other senior friends in their lives who love all of the time.  Perhaps I just got jaded.  Perhaps the off-handed nagging got under my skin (actually that is true).  Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps (I love that song).  But in the end, as most of us do, I came full circle.  And guess who was there?  The seniors, of course.

So thank you.  I am grateful for you.  And just so you know, in the end, I've got nothing but love for you too (here's hoping that even one senior reads this).

Shel Silverstein

I think I've at some point said that I work with seniors in an independent living situation.  So I see them where they live.

 

That said, I just saw some funny shuff.

 

One of the seniors just ran out to meet the dial-a-ride bus and SHE WASN'T WEARING PANTS.  She had a sweatshirt on, and shoes, just no pants.  Her friend ran out (she was alerted by someone in the office that her friend was naked) and was like, WHAT ARE YOU DOING???  And she goes, "Well I didn't want the bus to leave without me, so I just grabbed my pants and ran" (with her walker).

 

I was starring at the front door, jaw open, and the guy who was working the lift (she lifts into the bus because of her walker) says, "Well she's wearing a bathing suit, so its ok."  How weird understanding of him.

 

Anyway, she waved her pants at me (I couldn't make that up - she waved her pants at me while she was standing pant-less in the parking lot), smiled and got on the bus.  She was outside in the rain without pants on.  I guess the swimsuit makes it less ridiculous, but for crying out loud its like that Shel Silverstein poem about the guy who had everything on but his pants.  We all have those dreams about going out naked, but apparently some people do it in broad daylight...AND ON PURPOSE.

 

God I love seniors.  They totally throw caution and rules into the wind and leave by the seat of their...swimsuits.

 

Just wanted to share.   Its a friday after all.

Snapping Turtles

So today I flipped out on a senior.  Well flipped out is too strong of a word.  I snapped.  Like a turtle (can I at least be a cute snapping turtle?  I couldn't live with it if people had images of me being one of those ugly, mud-caked, google-eyed snapping turtles).  The senior was rude and obnoxious and I responded with quite a bit of pent up frustration.  To be clear, I never do that.  I always manage to dig deep and find that last shred of inner peace or humor (sometimes humor works better).

But oh...if this could have been caught on camera.  It was like one moment I was peaceful princess and the next minute I was Cruella de Vil.

Sadly,I've been wanting to do this for a long time.  This particular senior has a way of totally irking people.  She is bossy.  She can seem somewhat ungrateful for any support or service given to her.  She loves having the upper hand over other seniors.  She loves having authority.  Isn't it funny how those people are exactly the people who SHOULDN'T HAVE IT?  Well go ahead and shake your fingers at me, because a long while ago I mistakenly gave her some of that authority.  In my defense, she is a do-er and is good at organizing things...too bad that did not translate to being a graceful leader.

Sigh.

ANYWAY.  She made some comment on how someone (me) had done something and "why on earth" would that someone do that...blah blah blah it was annoying and rude (and she has done this many times to me before).  Well I lovingly turned on her and said something to the effect of "Why would you ever talk to me like that?  Do you want to make me feel stupid for doing something totally normal?  You are being RUDE".  Or something like that.

Normally I am the picture of professional.  If your picture includes sometimes wearing jeans on Fridays.  Ok ok, getting to the point, I immediately apologized, practically before I had finished my much need rant, because I realized a few things.

1) This is who she is.  While it is not alright to be rude, controlling, bossy, etc (oh in so many ways she deserved my comments, didn't she??), she has many good points and to simply yell at someone for their blunt ways is to ignore that they have feelings, just like me.  Bad social worker, bad.  Said it before and I'll say it again...only SW going to hell.  Moving on.

2) Yelling/snapping does not solve anything.  It certainly didn't stop the bossy senior and if anyone else had heard I would have been mortified at losing my temper.

3) Before I was done berating her I already felt guilty.  Moral of the story from that standpoint: if you can't even enjoy it while you are doing it, whats the point?  The guilt felt FAR worse.

So lesson learned.  We both apologized for our behavior (she does feel remorse for her sharp tongue - who knew?) and moved on.  Irony - 30 minutes after our exchange I heard her giving a gentlemen a tongue-lashing for a tiny mistake.  Some people will never change but I know I don't want to end up like that... 

We've been discovered!

I know, I know, who could have found this pathetic site?  And better yet, who would want to find it?  Well you know what, I have friends, and they have friends and in the end, it was bound to happen.  And I would love to think that all these people would make this a "hot spot", but lets be realistic, it will be a "senior spathetic spot" more than anything else, so lets get prepared.

1. update blog in 3 months.  check.

2.  remind ones-self that seniors still don't care about this blog.

3.  go to sleep (or back to work) and eventually post about senior things..........eventually check.

Until then - Happy Thanksgiving.  I know there will be some good stories this holiday season.  Cheers.

Independence Day

I wish this post was about the 4th of July, but alas, it is not.

Independence is a tricky thing...sometimes you are, sometimes you aren't.  Sometimes your dependence is mental/emotional, somtimes it is physical or service oriented.  The bottom line is, most people have a tough time admitting when they are not independent, and therein lies the problem.

SSS

I am going to regret going here, I just know it.  But I am going anyway.

SSS: Stupid Senior Shit.

As humans we are usually social beings.  We like to talk, listen, engage, cry, laugh...all nice things.  Some like to Gossip.  That is with a capital G because its hysterical serious...like this blog.  And no, I am not talking about small time gossip because we all do that (most of us call it 'passing judgment'), I am talking about groups of people yammering about one or two people and then ganging up on them. 

Well you know what?  Gossip hurts, people!  And the irony is, those who get hurt are often the worst gossipers of them all!  And they think that gossiping is a bad habit and probably think they don't do it - but they do!  They do it a lot compulsively.  And here is the kicker - hearing about it (because they just love tattling on each other) makes me want to do OH SO MANY THINGS (can you see my eyes bugging out?).  In fact, lets do a multiple choice, shall we?

Hearing about [stupid] gossip makes me want to:

    a) Roll my eyes and grab the nearest blunt object to knock myself out

    b) Create a mud wrestling pit and as people report gossip incidents/stories, push them in together to facilitate resolution - or at the very least, entertainment.

    c) Revert back to pre-school times and mandate quiet hours between 9am - 5pm.  No talking - to ANYONE.  Hell, if they can't talk they won't have to try and say something nice (or nothing at all).

    d) All of the above

Yeah, its "d".  But, and I heave a huge sigh of sadness here folks, what if people could just learn to keep it to themselves?  Is it so hard to let things go or just not talk about one another?  And really, why can't you just vent every once in a while and then just let the other gossip/tidbits/annoying things dissipate?

I for one am going to give it a shot.  And to close I go back to my favorite saying yet again, "Stop complaining about what is wrong and ask for what you need."  If your gossip problem can't be solved by asking for what you need (whatever the case may be), maybe its best not to air your frustrations because at that point, its just a nasty opinion.

Neediness

Life can be hard when you are a senior.  I GET IT.  But trying to make other people's lives hard just because your life is hard, PURE FRUSTRATION.

People are always needing items/services/advice from me.  And sometimes I am not only obligated to give it to them, but I want to - most deserve it.  But then there are those times when people are just needy for the sake of having something to complain about, and I lose it.

Take a few days ago - a client was actually being so obnoxious and pushy that he actually got pushy with me - physically!  So needy that he took it to the next level and was trying to move me with little shoves.  The man in question here has deformed legs and a debilitating problem that causes quite a bit of pain, so had I shoved back like I wanted to (with WWF force), I probably would have put him on his ass.  Which would have felt GREAT for the first 3 seconds until someone noticed and I was fired (which would have been justified and in the end I would have felt 3" tall).  So I didn't.  I took a deep breath and moved out of his way.  If I could do it over again, I think I would add a few words about how only bullies push and that I am not available for that kind of nonsense.

Another instance - if a senior can use your phone instead of their own ("oh I am out of minutes - its so expensive"), they will.  If a senior can use your pen, they will (and they will probably take it home).  If a senior can get anything for free, they will (even if they don't need it!).  And they will complain about why what they have doesn't work/isn't enough the whole time.  I suppose I should say that not every senior does this - only the needy ones, and they probably don't know who they are...because very rarely do needy people realize they are needy.  THE IRONY.

I think I am losing my own thread.  So I will regroup with this great quote that I saw online the other day: "Stop complaining about what is wrong and ask for what you need".  How perfect, succinct and to the point.  I think it will be my mantra for seniors and myself (I can use a dose of my own medicine as well).  Because what really gets me about senior neediness is not what they need - because I can usually give it to them or help them find it - but it is the complaining, whining and general unhappiness that goes along with the requests!  Ask and ye shall receive, but whine and ye shall be served with a side of eye rolling and annoyance.

Hysterical Story #1

When senior issues and bad behaviors start to get the best of me or any other good person, I like to tell funny stories.  The following is one of my favorites:

One time I got a call from the police station, which happened to be across the street from the senior facility.  They said that a resident of ours was reporting a rape (she happens to be a favorite of mine); needless to say I booked it over there.

When I arrived the story had already begun to change.  According to the resident, the upstairs neighbor (who was the accused rapist) had strange habits and nuclear devices.  He would move the devices around and when she was in bed, he would "beam" orgasms into her uterus.  Beam orgasms.  At this point I interrupted to clarify - she had indeed NOT been physically touched by him...?  She looked at me and said, "No, but the nuclear devices are used on me".

My first thoughts were, "why is this a problem?".  Where is he and why doesn't someone like that live above my apartment?  As a friend said, "How does one acquire these devices, hmm?".  I digress.

At this point I should say that the neighbor is actually a very sweet man who, needless to say, does NOT have NUCLEAR devices in his apartment - nor has he raped anyone.  But the resident was adamant - especially about the fact that she was too old to be having this many orgasms in one day.  I think my interest peaked at that point - just how many was she having!?  3 and 4 a day! 

In the end the resident did not have any physical problems that would have caused these hallucinations, so her psychiatrist upped her meds and supposedly, the nuclear powered multiple orgasms ceased.  I can't think of a worse fate, but c'est la vie. 

The only potentially bad outcome of this story is that the police station thinks I am a social work fraud because I had to leave the interview room for short bursts to regain composure - it was just too funny.  But I am human - beam me an orgasm and make me a believer.

Driving Miss Daisy

Transportation among seniors is potentially the biggest issue out there.  At some point most give up on driving...and lets face it, out of the ones who keep driving, 90% of them have probably bribed the DMV to renew their licenses.

So what is a senior to do without a car?  Some brave souls take the bus - and I love those souls.  I know people who haul their walkers on and off public transit, and I tip my nonexistant hat to them.  Seriously, that takes energy and guts to not only board the buses with younger people, but to make transfers and map out your routes all over town. 

However most seniors do not take the bus.  Some take community buses that do door-to-door services for a bit of a fee (I highly recommend looking into city or nonprofit programs to see if "dial-a-ride" type services exist in your area), and others with a bit more money take cabs when they absolutely must.  But today's rant is pretty much about people who do none of the above.

The majority of seniors ask people for rides - especially if they live in communal situations.  The incessant "would you take me..." question drives people (yes me included) insane, and with current gas prices no one can actually afford to pitch in for gas (let alone liability insurance).  Or I should say that people can offer gas money but when they offer a dollar or two the first thing that comes to mind is, "what, do you want a ride down the block, be dropped off and walk home?"  Additionally, many seniors do not move at the speed of light, so taking someone on a "quick errand" can take an afternoon.

So, what should you do about a parent, friend, or neighbor that feels stranded without a car?  Tell them you are legally blind and shouldn't drive anyone until you sort that out.  Haha, no I suppose that would be unethical.  The best thing to do, if you are actually willing to drive, is to make up a general schedule of when you will be going places and offer to take people with you at those times.  That way no gas wasted, they don't feel like they are begging, and the senior is still able to be mobile about town.  And if you just get asked too much, learn how to say no.  A simple "Lately I am feeling maxed out and am going to lay low for a while" is effective.  Or just say "no" and do not offer an explanation.  You should not need to explain yourself, but we usually feel like we have to.

And to the senior: if you ride with your peers you may be taking your life into your own hands.  A word to the wise: DMV = driving (ability) may vary.