When senior issues and bad behaviors start to get the best of me or any other good person, I like to tell funny stories. The following is one of my favorites:
One time I got a call from the police station, which happened to be across the street from the senior facility. They said that a resident of ours was reporting a rape (she happens to be a favorite of mine); needless to say I booked it over there.
When I arrived the story had already begun to change. According to the resident, the upstairs neighbor (who was the accused rapist) had strange habits and nuclear devices. He would move the devices around and when she was in bed, he would "beam" orgasms into her uterus. Beam orgasms. At this point I interrupted to clarify - she had indeed NOT been physically touched by him...? She looked at me and said, "No, but the nuclear devices are used on me".
My first thoughts were, "why is this a problem?". Where is he and why doesn't someone like that live above my apartment? As a friend said, "How does one acquire these devices, hmm?". I digress.
At this point I should say that the neighbor is actually a very sweet man who, needless to say, does NOT have NUCLEAR devices in his apartment - nor has he raped anyone. But the resident was adamant - especially about the fact that she was too old to be having this many orgasms in one day. I think my interest peaked at that point - just how many was she having!? 3 and 4 a day!
In the end the resident did not have any physical problems that would have caused these hallucinations, so her psychiatrist upped her meds and supposedly, the nuclear powered multiple orgasms ceased. I can't think of a worse fate, but c'est la vie.
The only potentially bad outcome of this story is that the police station thinks I am a social work fraud because I had to leave the interview room for short bursts to regain composure - it was just too funny. But I am human - beam me an orgasm and make me a believer.
maybe the beaming was what she was doing post reaction? Beaming with pride at more than 70 years old?
Posted by: Frank Levinson | July 21, 2008 at 04:56 AM