So today I flipped out on a senior. Well flipped out is too strong of a word. I snapped. Like a turtle (can I at least be a cute snapping turtle? I couldn't live with it if people had images of me being one of those ugly, mud-caked, google-eyed snapping turtles). The senior was rude and obnoxious and I responded with quite a bit of pent up frustration. To be clear, I never do that. I always manage to dig deep and find that last shred of inner peace or humor (sometimes humor works better).
But oh...if this could have been caught on camera. It was like one moment I was peaceful princess and the next minute I was Cruella de Vil.
Sadly,I've been wanting to do this for a long time. This particular senior has a way of totally irking people. She is bossy. She can seem somewhat ungrateful for any support or service given to her. She loves having the upper hand over other seniors. She loves having authority. Isn't it funny how those people are exactly the people who SHOULDN'T HAVE IT? Well go ahead and shake your fingers at me, because a long while ago I mistakenly gave her some of that authority. In my defense, she is a do-er and is good at organizing things...too bad that did not translate to being a graceful leader.
Sigh.
ANYWAY. She made some comment on how someone (me) had done something and "why on earth" would that someone do that...blah blah blah it was annoying and rude (and she has done this many times to me before). Well I lovingly turned on her and said something to the effect of "Why would you ever talk to me like that? Do you want to make me feel stupid for doing something totally normal? You are being RUDE". Or something like that.
Normally I am the picture of professional. If your picture includes sometimes wearing jeans on Fridays. Ok ok, getting to the point, I immediately apologized, practically before I had finished my much need rant, because I realized a few things.
1) This is who she is. While it is not alright to be rude, controlling, bossy, etc (oh in so many ways she deserved my comments, didn't she??), she has many good points and to simply yell at someone for their blunt ways is to ignore that they have feelings, just like me. Bad social worker, bad. Said it before and I'll say it again...only SW going to hell. Moving on.
2) Yelling/snapping does not solve anything. It certainly didn't stop the bossy senior and if anyone else had heard I would have been mortified at losing my temper.
3) Before I was done berating her I already felt guilty. Moral of the story from that standpoint: if you can't even enjoy it while you are doing it, whats the point? The guilt felt FAR worse.
So lesson learned. We both apologized for our behavior (she does feel remorse for her sharp tongue - who knew?) and moved on. Irony - 30 minutes after our exchange I heard her giving a gentlemen a tongue-lashing for a tiny mistake. Some people will never change but I know I don't want to end up like that...
